[The latest Story Design Challenge from GCG contributor Guy Hasson asked readers to design a strong character debut -- here are the results!]
Hi, everyone. Welcome to the results of our second Story Design Challenge.
This time we had about twice as many entries as the first time. Hopefully, we'll have even more as the story design challenges gain momentum.
Below you'll find a response to each of the entries, about why they were picked, why they were not picked, and what could be improved about them. This post is cross-posted on Gamasutra. There you can find all the entries.
As you'll be able to see, the best memorable entrances were all about contrast: the difference between what we would expect and we are actually getting.
James Coote's entry: Good work! First of all, even the parts that are not the entrance are well written, powerful, and paced very well. The memorable entrance part happens in the last paragraph of the entry, and it only works because it is differs so much from our expectations after seeing everything that has led to this point. Excellent! (Note: Looking back, James Coote also got first place in our first Story Design Challenge.)
Katie Chironis' entry: Juliana's entrance is certainly very memorable, and you built it just right. We start out thinking we're in some kind of sophisticated world, when suddenly the contrast of a crazy ex with an RPG appears. In addition, the contrast between the tone of her words and her actions is very powerful. Here are a couple of tips for making it better: 1) James shouldn't say ‘You give crazy ex a new definition'. Don't explain to the player what he already knows, and trust me, the player knows this. 2) You lose Juliana's uniqueness after that line. She steps out of character, and she shouldn't.
One last thing: You get a few less points because, as memorable as that entrance is, I feel like I've seen scenes like it before.
Gelo Fleisher's entry: Good entry. It's strange to get a good ‘memorable entrance' from a character that waits, but the character waits and wait and waits, and it works. Here's my tip on how to make it even more powerful: Add some things, aside from the other character, that would force anyone else to move and leap into action, and have the character wait them out, as well. The more he waits when he has cause to not wait, the more powerful and memorable his entrance.