When I was a kid, I played Pong. That was it. That was the only game I could play.

Shortly after that we added Pac-Man (I could play that one); Donkey Kong, which bears no resemblance to current Mario games -- you climbed slanting floors and jumped over barrels -- really, it was easy; Centipede; and Galaga, the one where you are a space ship that slides back and forth across the bottom of the screen and you shoot down invading aliens. Huh, maybe that was Space Invaders.

They all required a joystick and little else. I think the shooting games used a single button. My parents never played that I can recall. It was strictly something for my sister and me. This was not a family activity.

Shortly after my first brush with video games, I turned into a full-fledged teenager and lost interest. They'd gotten more complicated, there were more buttons, and I was too busy with sports and studies and boys to be bothered (say hello to high school).

None of my friends played video games. None of the boys I dated played video games. And I had no interest in spending what precious time I had for socializing, studying, and working, to learn how to use the new controllers and all the buttons.

Button Anxiety
Fast-forward about 20 years. Now I'm married and have children -- boy children. They, of course, have video game systems. To me, these systems look like Mission Control for NASA, so I never play with them. I can't. There are too many buttons.

The controller for the Nintendo GameCube looks like a swollen M. It fits quite nicely in your hand, I admit, but the buttons! What are all those buttons for?

On the left is the joystick. This I recognize right away. It's just a smaller version of the old joystick I used to jump barrels and run Mario up and down the slanty paths on his way to rescue Princess Peach. You work it with your left thumb. Easy enough, right?

But also on the left (also?) there's an "arrow cross" --- the little button that looks like the up, down, left, right arrow keys on my keyboard. I later learned this is called the "D" pad, but it doesn't say "D" anywhere on it, so how was I supposed to know that?

So you have to run the joystick and the "D" pad with your left thumb? Is it an either/or thing? According to my research guru (my teenager), there is the possibility these two things, the joystick and the "D" pad, could be used at the same time, but mostly it's either/or.

There is also an "L" button on the front end of the controller. So now we've added a third button -- on the left side -- all meant to be operated with the same hand.

As though I didn't get carpal tunnel problems from just thinking about the left side of the controller, there's the right side of the controller. Near the bottom is the "C" button, which seems to operate as a joystick as well. There is also a small "B" button slightly offset from a larger "A" button, which is capped with the "Y" and "X" buttons (kidney-shaped to sort of circle the top arc of the "A" button).

But wait! There's more. On the front of the controller is the "R" button. And the "Z" button.