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Old 04-20-2011, 02:13 AM   #3
yaustar's Avatar

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2/20 19/20
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Location: UK

"Being part of a development team, designing, communicating and developing ideas to improve and create compelling and immersive gaming experiences would be my dream job. My objective is to be at the cutting edge of games development."

Doesn't tell me what you actually want to do. What is your dream job? Too much fluff.

"September 2011; Bachelor’s degree in Computer Science (University of Sheffield):"

What modules did you study? Bullet point it.

"a 3D tower defence game using the Unreal Development"

Where is it? What did you do on it? Why can't I see it?

"I secured a 5-week work placement at TBS Mobility;"

What did you actually do? Bullet point it.

"Relevant Software
Microsoft Word – Intermediate
Microsoft Excel – Intermediate
Microsoft PowerPoint – Intermediate"

Don't care about this, remove it.

"Adobe Photoshop – Intermediate
3D Graphics Software
3D Studio Max – Intermediate
Zbrush – Intermediate
Crazybump – Intermediate
XNormal - Intermediate
Programming Knowledge
Java - Intermediate"

Where is the evidence of skill?

"This was demonstrated in 2007 when I decided to co-found a Vietnam-themed Half-life 2 modification called Broken-Arrow."

Where is it? What did you do on it? Why can't I see it?

I would also remove the photo. It is only a necessity in some European countries IIRC.
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