Would you rate my work please?

[Ziwen]

First of all I have no Idea where I should start this thread. I'll do it here for now.

I have a small favor to ask. Would you kindly rate my game reviews? I had written a few so far. And I want you guys to judge it.

I want an honest opinion. Be it good or bad, I just want you guys to state the truth. Don't worry about me. It's not like there is another way of improving my writing. Thanks alot. Oh by the way I am new here.

It's even better if you could point out my mistakes. Grammars and such. I have a lots of problem with them. Thanks.

Website

Feel The Game

Or to be more specific

Gears Of War


Call of Duty 4

Call of Duty: World At War.

Left 4 Dead

[yaustar]

Use of emoticons in a professional review? Major no-no. I have an entire screen of text and still don't understand what you trying to put across.

[Liz England]

You should pay strong attention to your writing and grammar if you want people to read anything you write. Just browsing I found a lot of sentence fragments, too many ellipses, and many misspellings.

For example (since you asked us to point them out):

Here I am writing and planning my ideas. To write the ultimate post of valentine that will shook the world.

The second sentence is not a sentence. It is a fragment. There is no subject or verb, so it's better to make them just one sentence. Your grammar is also off by saying "that will shook the world" instead of "will shake" or just "shook". I also have no idea what "the ultimate post of valentine" means. Do you mean "the ultimate post of valentine's day" or "the ultimate post for a valentine"? They mean different things.

A lot of your writing are step by step descriptions of scenes in games. That's not interesting - especially when you link the video that shows the scene anyway. You aren't writing reviews - you are narrating. The kind of writing used for reviews (journalism, information distillation) is very different from that of creative writing.

So really, you shouldn't present these are reviews but as creative writing/fan fiction (though you aren't creating any of your own stories, you are just adapting videos into writing).

[Ziwen]

Sorry for making your eyes bleed yaustar xD.
Thanks for the comment Liz England. I really appreciate it.
So, what I need to do here is stop relying on videos and start writing straightforwardly about a game?

Yeah, I screwed when it comes to grammar. That's why I need help. Serious help I suppose.

How bout the other reviews? Were they all the same?

Gears Of War

Call of Duty 4

Call of Duty: World At War.

Left 4 Dead

or

All of them.

You can rate as many as you like and you can be straightforward about it. I'll try to improve as much as I can.

[yaustar]

Just quickly glanced over your GoW review, again the use of 'txt' such as LoL and emoticons is something you never do in professional writing.

The flow of information is incredibly fragmented with lots of short sentences. e.g.

"You can move from cover to cover. Which makes this game looks cool."

That should be one sentence, not two.

Finally, the review is very factual without any real input from the reviewer. Why does the reloading feature make it enjoyable? What does it do to add to the experience of the player?

[Ziwen]

Means if I were to write a review it's best to add some of my gameplay experience and not just the surface of the game?

Okay, I'll stop with the emoticons if I am going to write professionally.
Thanks for the advice.

I am writing reviews for Bioshock at the moment. I'll try to follow the advice you gave me, Yaustar.

[Adrir]

I'm just going to echo some of what Liz and Yaustar have mentioned on already. As a reviewer, you are reviewing the game. You should be conveying your experience playing the game and providing readers with an opinion. In order to do this, you need to be more descriptive and provide a bit more depth.

For example:

Originally Posted by yaustar

[From Ziwen's GoW Review] You can move from cover to cover. Which makes this game looks cool.

I was forced to charge from cover to cover which is a refreshing change from traditional 'mindlessly run around fast and shoot' gameplay. This left me constantly surveying the scenery around my character. Looking for those sweet spots is alot of fun and extremely satisfying given the spectacular visuals that the game delivers. The environment is completely interactive and behaves realistically. As players slide accross the ground and duck behind the walls, dirt gets thrown into the air and small chunks of rubble fall to the floor. Even when I zoomed into my character as close as possible, the high level of detail was incredible! It is so cool being able to see each hunk of rock with it's own individual shape and texture with peppering of dirt and damp the way I expected.

Originally Posted by Adrir

[From Ziwen's GoW Review] Hit the "F" button to rev your chainsaw, creating a vicious sound and click the fire button to cut your enemies into pieces.


Muaha-haha-Muaha-haha....DIE!!!

This is one kick ass weapon, it makes you feel like that you are far more superior than any Locusts for that short moment.

One of my favourite weapons is the lancer. It is a gun and a chainsaw. That's right, a gun and a chainsaw. Need I saw more?

Launching yourself at a group of enemies while rev'ing it up is one of the most adrenaline-charged and exciting moments I've experienced in a game. You are well rewarded with a particularly bloody and grusome visual of your victim being sliced apart. The sound effects are also particularly vicious and I must say, very well implemented. Hearing the helpless yelf of a locust warrior as their bones crack against the roar of the chainsaw is particularly enthralling. It will make you feel far superior than all of your opponents on the battlefield!

[Ziwen]

thanks for providing me better examples Adrir. I'll try my best to elaborate more on the experience rather than just some plain straightforward factual facts. Thanks again for the reminder

[Adrir]

No problem - and just to point out the importance of proofreading - one of my friends pointed out a grammer mistake for me!

[yaustar]

Pick up a few magazines that are aimed at an older age group for games. Games TM and Edge are usually pretty good.